Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
