Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Is it because I queefed?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
