shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Randomize
