oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
