I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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