Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
