the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
