Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
