I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
