Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
