What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
