Already got asked if we're dating
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
