its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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