So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
