omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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