Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
fuck your aforementioned shoe
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
