How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize
