Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
