Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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