I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
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I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
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Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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