i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
