I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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