True but thats because hes a fetus.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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