Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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