Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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