i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
