I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My vagina just clenched in fear
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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