DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
