Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
