I hope mine doesn't look like that
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Randomize
