I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
