remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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