What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
