oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
