Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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