Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
This baby is an asshole
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
