You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
