I wish they made helmets for livers.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
