Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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