I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
