that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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