Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The air taste purple.
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