Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
