she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
