Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
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In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
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Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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