Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
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If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
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I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.