question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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