ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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