You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Randomize
