He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
