so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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