hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
