I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
