Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
