oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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