He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
