Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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