i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I want to be your penis for a week.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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