apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
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