After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
