Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
