i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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