Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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