i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
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He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
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I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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