my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
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My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
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Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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