I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
